People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
