i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
