I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Are we still banned from the library?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
