I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
