you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
