just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Swine flu. Run for my life!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
