Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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