I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
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Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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