he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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