as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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