you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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