My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
