I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
