um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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