I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
