Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
