There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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