Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
