I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
