I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
