we're blogging at a bar
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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