Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
