he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
