Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
