oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
