I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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