what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Randomize
