Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
