And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
