forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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