I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
