Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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