Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
