her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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