My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
