Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
