If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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