If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
