He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
