I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
babies were throwing up all over the place
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
