She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
