We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
