Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
