Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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