Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
