living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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