So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
