It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
