There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
