I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
