Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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