I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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