You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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