matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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