one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
