The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
