My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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