oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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