Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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